You don’t get comfortable with them in just a few conversations. Consider getting to know someone – an acquaintance, coworker, friend, dating, or even a new therapist. If they have been closed off for years, they will likely not open up readily with just a few conversations. In your dialogue with them, try to be patient and understand that it will take time to get to know your inner child. In this process, we can begin an ongoing dialogue with them and be the accepting open caregiver they’ve never had that gives them space to be heard. Our inner child needs to know that they will be acknowledged and accepted regardless of how they think and express themselves. Our inner child is a part of ourselves that needs to feel safe enough to open up. Deepening our awareness of these patterns, of what our inner child wants, needs, feels, and is hurt by, is a process. Why is self-awareness so critical? If we are unaware of the patterns we play out, we will mindlessly continue them without being able to consciously choose something different. They’re friendly now, but what if they change and show their true colors? What if they are two-faced? What if they betray your confidentiality? What if they’re just kind because they want something from you? What if you say something wrong, and they blow up suddenly? You don’t trust that others can have good intentions. They might assure you they care about and love you, but you need to repeatedly hear that because you question your importance to them. You feel like you need to cling to this person because they might forget about you, and the way to avoid that is by bombarding them with texts or calls. Sometimes, this can happen because others depended on you so much as a kid that the possibility of getting close to others subconsciously equates to taking on that level of responsibility for someone’s well-being. When someone shows interest in you or starts opening up to you, you want to leave because you fear they could rely on you or cling to you. Confiding those around is the last resort. Googling the answer (which usually does not require interaction with others) is how you solve problems. Maybe you were let down when you needed people as a child, so you learned to rely on yourself. Sometimes, you accommodate and please others without showing who you are. You go the extra mile to avoid disappointing or upsetting others. You’re hyperaware of others’ needs and wants because then you know what to give them or who to be to keep them in your life. You feel as if you’re hurting others when you prioritize yourself. You feel responsible when things go wrong, even if many factors are not in your control. You can have so much empathy for friends, but sympathy goes out the door for yourself. You find all sorts of ways to beat yourself up. You say “yes” to so many plans, phone calls, favors, etc., that you’re drained by the end of the week, but it’s hard to say no… What if you miss out? What if you let someone down? What if they get hurt because you couldn’t do something for them? (4) Ongoing self-criticism What if they start seeing you as a burden or a bother? If they knew what you’re ‘really’ about, they’d think it’s too much. You worry you’ll drive others away if you express your needs and wants.

You expect people to lash out at you or berate you at any moment. (1) You feel like you’re walking on eggshells

Signs of unresolved trauma dissociation